• Lyn Coffin

TINDER 21-29

Updated: May 5

TINDER 21

... Love, no matter what....


From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 18, at 4:25 PM

Subject: hoping you are ok

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Dear Austin- I must confess to being the littlest bit worried. You were going to let me know when you landed. I hope you just forgot or got slightly delayed or your plans changed midstream or something. I’ve been thinking about you all day, hoping you are okay and in Dublin.

From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 18, at 11:26 PM

Subject: please write

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Dearest Austin,

Now I’m really worried.

Please do write me when you get a chance.

I miss communication with you. It hasn’t been even a day, but it feels like a long time.

On the plus side, I went over our whole correspondence and put it together, and I discovered two pictures - of you in a bar, and of you with the elephant. I love both. You have such a nice smile when you are with the elephant, and such an intriguing look when you are in the bar.

I hope against hope I may wake up tomorrow and find a note from you. I have a confession to make.

I will not let myself think that something has happened to you.

Love to you, no matter what- You have given me great great joy, too. Perhaps it is unsubstantial or unsubstantiated joy, but it is joy nonetheless. You have made my heart soar, and I thank you.

Have you thought about the Azores recently?

Most importantly, how is your mother doing? I worry about her, too.

Good night, my dearest unknown Austin,

Love, Lyn



.Did I tell you I have a strong German accent?....

TINDER 22


From: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Date: Tue, May 19, at 7:16 AM

Subject: Joy

To: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Oh Lyn, believe me you are the most caring woman I have ever come across in recent years. This is a true confession from me and I bless the day I found you. I was really expecting to find your emails and here they are, with the lovely pictures. How wonderful! I had a nice and successful trip to Dublin. I arrived here not quite long ago, it was not a stressful journey as I had you in my mind all through. I was seeing you in my arms, seeing you rushing to hug me at the airport. At a time I lost it and was thinking that I was already in the airplane on my way to see you and then I realize I was going to Dublin and not to meet you, then I felt bad.

I'm so sorry for not writing earlier but it's because I've been trying to settle down in the lodge the company provided for me, also still trying to get my cell phone here working, I will give you my number here in the later part of this email. I am presently in Dublin. It's the capital and largest city of Ireland. located on the east coast of Ireland, at the mouth of the popular River Liffey. I learned it was founded as a Viking settlement, the Kingdom of Dublin became Ireland's principal city following the Norman invasion. It is popularly known as Garden of England" Because of its abundance of orchards and hop gardens. It is nice and serene. This is where the client's head office is located.

Kelly, is it possible to miss you this much...is it just my imagination or is it real? I can't tell why but I miss you so much. I want to be with you and hold you. In my imagination, I want to gently touch your face and cup your cheek in my hand as I look into your beautiful eyes. I want to snuggle and cuddle with you, to just be close to you. I want to rub your leg and stare across the couch as we talk of our feelings for one another. I want to hold your hand across the table at a restaurant. I want others in the restaurant to be jealous of our intimacy and our tender affection for one another. I want to lie next to you in front of a fire and gaze into your eyes while I rub your back. I want to romance you. I want you to know how beautiful you are in my eyes. I want you to know how much I cherish and adore you. I want to give you my heart. I want your heart, I want it all.

Yes Kelly, I know you will be sleeping by now. I'm dropping this for you to read when you wake up as I have observed the time difference between here and the US. What time is it back home? Here's my number: +44-282-003-****. Can I have your number? I want to call as soon as I top it up for international calls but please don't laugh at my mixed accent. Did I tell you that I have a strong German accent? Oh yes, I missed that part. Spent 10 years working for a German investment company where I got to work with mostly German investors. Still haven't gotten over that. Well I have to go now, talk to you later dear,

Your Man

Austin

Ps: I attached a picture we took on our way to the lodge from the airport. That's Mr. Albert on my far left and Jimmy close to me, he works here in Dublin.


Comments: walter halperin Apr 21 Kelly? What is that about? Did I miss something in a previous episode where it becomes known that this is a potential menage a trois? I was just remembering that you wrote some 20 episodes ago that this was a semi-autobiographical memoir. And I started thinking that maybe I, reviewer not in residence, wasn't taking it seriously enough, clowning around writing nonsensical criticism, having fun at your expense. But now Kelly rears her head, turning this into potential farce, tragedy, who knows what? I am mystified and intrigued. Can it be that Austin had a momentary mental lapse in mid-epistle and blew his secret? Wow! Definitely - the suspense over where this epistolary romance was heading has now blown up into full crisis. Sitting in a theater waiting for the next episode of the Perils of Pauline fades into total insignificance in comparison. Anonymouse

donnavannormanApr 21 Kelly? Okay, a nice Irish name. Proof that this is/was his location. Sure.


TINDER 23

...There are periods of time when I believe you are not who you say you are....

From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 19, at 5:41 PM

Subject: looking forward to talking to you

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Dear Austin,

I was very glad to get your letter. Thank you for the phone number. I won’t call you, but thank you for giving me the opportunity. (You are involved in an important business deal. Better to let you choose the time and place.) My phone number is 206 384 **** That’s the local number. I really really look forward to talking with you, whenever it is, and with whatever accent.

More importantly, would you please resend the picture of you with your mother? That was such a wonderful image. How is she? Have you heard anything else?

I want to let you know something. There are periods of time when I lose faith, when I believe that you are not who you say you are. Times when I think I have let my loneliness and wishful yearnings get the best of me. There are various scenarios that occur to me at those times- and at the end of them, I always come back to the fact that, even so, I care for you deeply. Even if you aren’t who or where or what you say you are, I do in some sense love you- as much as it is possible to love a person you have never met.

I have a present to give you at our first meeting. It means a great deal to me…. I think you will like it.

I look forward to our meeting very much. I will of course rush to hug you at the airport, if that is what you want, but maybe it would be better to give you time to go home and shower and maybe even rest. If this wonderful correspondence springs from reality, we have time, and you live, as I remind myself, only three miles away.

Sometimes, I think it is a mistake to speak of physicality in our emails. But I do so long to feel your arms around me, and I do want to kiss you- with kisses that are at first soft with a kind of tender timidity, but then gather strength until we feel the great wings beating —have a wonderful, Irish gold and green day… I look forward to talking with you- and hearing the news of your day

Lyn


COMMENTS: walter halperin Apr 22 What happened to Kelly? Aren't you worried about Kelly? I'm worried about Kelly! Mysterioso.

donnavannormanApr 22 Austin most likely has suspected all along that Lyn is has been holding back her suspicion that he has been less than forthcoming about his infatuation with her and about his life. He is aware that she wants to know his name. He says that he lives only three miles from her. It is not clear whether she knows his address, because he has supposedly been traveling since they began their online romance. It seems they have played the same game. They talk of love and wanting to be in each others arms, as though to speak otherwise, might break the "spell." So Austin has continued to spin his tales, in the past, hoping he can keep engaging her. But Lyn, with her admitted mistrust of his letters, now, has become more emboldened. Why does she continue to write lovingly to him, in her recent letter, right after she has revealed her suspicions about his truthfulness? And will Austin continue his pursuit of Lyn with the same fervor, knowing she is on to him?

Lyn Coffin Apr 23 Dear Mysterioso- I am a little worried about Kelly. But Austin seems able to explain away everything eventually. I appreciate your commentary but don't know how to respond except as another "commenter." I hope to be able to respond directly to your next comment. (Yes?) Dear Donna- I'm not sure Lyn is "onto" Austin. You ask a good question- Why does she continue to write lovingly to him after confessing suspicions. Time will tell....

walter halperinApr 24 You think you are confused (with regard to how to comment on comments)? Until recently I thought Tinder was your particular name for this series of letters, didn't know it was a dating website (is it a website?). As someone who still live in the 19th century,. it 's all very confusing. In any case, I think the process is fine. My daughter met her wonderful husband (#2) on a dating thingy, as did my niece (also met #2) and also Willa's best friend (met #2) et. al. The explanation of Kelly doesn't ring true. I hope Austin doesn't show up in a black cloak and a handlebar moustache, his appearance ruined only by blood on his Oxfords. Anyway, the denouement is soon to arrive and all will be revealed. Good luck. By the way "mysterioso" was not a nom de plume, but a comment on the mysterious twists and turns of the plot. Maybe I've listened to too many Italian operas where "mysterioso" crops up in every other aria, along with "la maledizione." Anonymouse ll All All is yours... lost in the sweet ache of yearning....

----------------------message---------------------


TINDER 24

From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 19, at 10:40 PM

Subject: Sweet ache

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Dearest- I'm at my friend’s house in Olympia- it's a horse farm, really. My male cousin is here too. We always have fun when we get together. We ate and walked and talked and laughed and even swam- My friend has a little pool. The water was really cold but you could stand it if you kept telling yourself- "It's bracing!" It was one of those pockets of time.

I can't stop thinking about the things you imagined in your last letter. I read them over and over. I am lost in that sweet ache of yearning. I have a fireplace, too, and my apartment overlooks a ravine and is like being in a tree house.

I hope you are knocking their investors' socks off with your knowledge and charm.

Good night, sweetheart. I hope to dream of you.

Lyn

From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 20, at 12:08 AM

Subject: Longing for you

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Dear Austin,

I have read and reread your passionate message and yes I want to meet you at the airport and embrace you before a moment goes by. I don't know any more anything of like or love, just desire. I can't sleep. I keep repeating your words. I want to hear your lovely German voice saying my name. You have carried me into a world where I don't know myself, where everything I have and wish opens to you.. You are my lover, my longed for man. I am lost in your words. I say love but now I don't know. Perhaps that is only a plea for mercy, for kindness. All All All is you, is yours. Please call me soon, but when it is light out, not as now in this warm darkness that touches me everywhere. I don't want to rush, want to make this last for as long as we can. And keep tenderness with us as a guide... It takes more courage than I knew I had to hit send. It is midnight here. Another day bringing you closer to me, to home....

Hugging you from across the room-

Your woman

Lyn

donnavannormanApr 25 Dear Lyn, Clearly your feelings for Austin are very strong in this piece. And certainly you don't want to entertain the idea he may be a fraud. You have invested so much energy and love for him. You want him to be what he says he is. You are confused, and rightfully so. But logically, the fact that he is more likely fraudulent than not, can't escape you. So this is why you want to tell this story. You want to help prevent this from happening to someone else. You are putting this story out there, in the hope that someone might read it and see them-self. (Notice the lack of specific gender in the comment.) It is a great thing you are doing! There are so many victims that have lost their savings by lies and trickery. I think that #24 Tinder is the pivotal event in this narrative. You are coming to terms, painful as it is. Donna

Lyn CoffinApr 25 Dear Donna, I think you must be a kind person, and trying to put the "best" spin on a story you see as "going down the tubes." You not only predict the end of the story, but the reason for the telling. I think you give me too much credit, or give me credit where no credit is due. I am grateful to you for articulating the "mainstream" view of the story. Perhaps there is another way it might be viewed? Is this my past self "coming to terms" as painful as that might be? I usually feel readers understand stories better than the people who tell them. A strange view, I realize, but still-- there it is. Thank you for your faithful commentary.


TINDER 25/26


From: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Date: Tue, May 20, at 2:32 AM

Subject: You are my inspiration

To: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Lyn it's okay if you don't want to call. I will call you myself. Meanwhile I've attached the picture to this mail, didn't know I missed them. Sorry about that. Just so you know, I called you Kelly in my previous mail because it's an Irish baby name. The pet name I chose to call you.

I don't know how you do it but you leave me speechless with your words and my blood rises when I mirror your thoughts. The rains have been pouring since morning here. My heart, I'm so thankful to God for bringing us together. Yesterday was my first official day here so I'm already into what I came here to do. if I am to judge by how its all going now, I will say that what brought me here will be a huge success because it's been going as planned since the first day with my client and on the other side I came down to Lancashire to see Mama Austin last night after meeting with my client......you can't imagine the kind of joy this brings me here. I told her about you and showed her your picture and she said "may be this is why you am looking so young and happy". She said that I should inform Lyn that you have her blessing!

On reaching here, I went straight to the hospital from the substation. I must tell you that two of the best things I have done this year were coming here to see my mother; the second was meeting you in my life. This was what she said. My mother loves to call me by name as she was the person that gave me the name. She said it was the name of my father's only brother who introduced her to my father but died the same year she gave birth to me. The condition I saw my mother in was not encouraging though she was smiling all through the period that I was with her. I could not leave her sight so I slept in the hospital till morning. I just got to her house here to take my bath and clean up before going back to the hospital.

The little problem I have for now which is trying to develop to a bigger problem is that I have started missing you, Can you imagine that? It may sound odd somehow but it's true. I am missing you seriously even without meeting you yet. My love, the truth is that ever since we started writing each other, I knew you were the one for me, I've been reassured of that in many ways that I see. We're still yet to meet and we are still fondly in each other minds, souls, and hearts. I feel it's time I delete my account on there because I see no reason keeping it since I've found you. Before I met you online, I almost forgot what love really was until my heart truly started aching for you. I admire you a lot. You are my inspiration for anything, and everything on this cold damp earth. I never thought my time would come to love, and then it came and I was hit with so much emotion and power I did not know where to put it all. I have stacked it piece by piece in my heart for you. I truly believe you are my soul mate, and you are the only woman I will only give all I have to offer forever.

I hope you never let go of me because I'm beginning to love you, and I pray you love me too as much as I love you. Just the thought of you brightens my day completely, and sometimes I do bring you there on purpose to make myself happy when I am down. Picturing your smile makes me smile, and I cannot wait to actually see that adoring woman. I know with the unforgettable smile I know so soon. You are the best thing that has happened to me in recent years. Lyn! I am so proud of you. I see myself as the luckiest man on earth to have you as my darling. Please take care of yourself for me. Well I'll have to stop here. Enjoy the rest of your day. Soft kisses from me……

Austin

Lyn is hugging a telephone pole. Will it communicate more than the missing Austin? There is potential there, zillions of messages flying above. As I recall. In his last message Austin was boiling. Perhaps he has cooled down, or worse yet - boiled over and evaporated entirely. How will this all end. Will there be some deus ex machina (just throwing that in to show my own literary bonafides, probably misspelled it) to rescue the situation at the last minute? Or will the incoming train smush Pauline into alphabet soup? What fun this is! Anonymous Mouse

TINDER 27


...Lyn writes to Mama Austen, and Austen calls....

----------------------message---------------------

From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 20, at 3:47 PM

Subject: living and loving

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

I keep typing live for love. It doesn't bother me!

Lyn

----------------------message---------------------

From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 20, at 3:54 PM

Subject: From my heart to yours

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

A Letter to Austin’s Mother:

Dear Mama Austin,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending me your blessing. I would like to send you in return my sacred promise- that I will always do my best to be a good partner for your son. I will never willingly cause him pain, and I will always seek to bring him joy.

Warm best wishes from across the sea,

Lyn

----------------------message---------------------

From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 21, at 5:21 AM

Subject: How are you? Any news?

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

I just woke up. It's still dark out. How are you? Have you heard anything more from/ of your mom? Are you with her now or "suffering" (her phrase) your work?

After all my protestations, I can't wait to see you,

Lyn

May 21, 6:10 AM - First call from +44 28 2003 **** – Phone number lists as coming from Ballycastle, Northern Ireland.





COMMENTS


walter halperin: Such tremendous love and devotion expressed between two people who have never met. Is there any precedent? Barret & Browning? I'm afraid it's a recipe for disappointment. The suspense is building.

donnavannormanApr 25 A phone call tomorrow?! donnavannormanApr 25 A phone call tomorrow?! Mama is battling arrhythmia....

TINDER 28


From: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Date: Tue, May 21, at 10:26 AM

Subject: Matters of the heart

To: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>



..Mama is battling arrhythmia....

Oh Lyn, it was really nice speaking with you even though it was very short and you were smart enough to notice the distressed feeling. Well that's because Mama's health has been a source of serious worry for me. Her health is not improving, she has been battling with arrhythmia; the doctor said it seriously affects how well her heart works, that her heart has not been able to pump enough blood to meet the body's needs, so the hospital has used an electronic device to give an electric shock to the heart; this helps reestablish normal contraction rhythms in the heart. I just can't stop praying for her.

When I woke up today it seemed like the time is not passing. Like the days are too long, the nights too sad when I'm far from you. Your absence is my only evil. You wouldn't believe the distress I've been bearing these days, sometimes I become so anxious no one with me can stand me at all. When reciprocated, love is what it is, a huge pleasure that enraptures and inebriates, vulgar and refined at the same time. What is hard about love is the distance, but when this separation is temporary as when in an ordinary business trip, the hope of seeing you again soon snaps me out of it and invigorates me.

Lyn, I read each of your mails many times and every one of them reassures me that LIFE IS GOOD. You fill my heart with love and happiness, somehow I get scared too.... I just want to be sure this is real. This is a feeling I've not had in a long time. Thank you so much my love.

I'm hopeful that all will be fine, I just need to be around mama. So, I can hear what she will say when she wakes up. Darling please take care of yourself for me and put her in your prayers, I don't want you to get worried. Okay? Promise me you won't. I need to go now, I'll check back later for your mail. I love you my Lady. I'll cook lovely meals for you just the way you'll love them. We will make a perfect match.

With Love from Austin

Ps: I took a picture of her this morning and it's attached to this mail. Pray for her.



----------------------message---------------------

TINDER 29


how you feel is how you feel....

From: Lyn Coffin <coffin32@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, May 21, at 11:20 AM

Subject: Stacking up love

To: Austin Nissan <austin.Nissan@earthlink.net>

Bless you, Austin. I feel very reassured. I am so sorry your mother’s health is so bad. I loved the way you said “sometimes I become so anxious no one with me can stand me at all.” That made me smile. Not to think of your being anxious, but the way you put it— If I were there, I know I could stand you. (:-)

I know, I know, the feeling of being scared. The feeling of wanting to be sure this is real. Your mother is in my prayers, insofar as I pray in specifics. I got worried because you mentioned that your mother was in Scotland at the beginning, and then you were in Dublin, but going down to Lancashire, and then your call was listed as coming in from Balmoral Castle (not that exactly) or someplace in North Ireland. And so the wild weird scenarios started. I am glad ours is an ordinary separation, an ordinary business trip. Yes, and it does feel like “the hope of seeing you again” when really it’s the hope of seeing you.

The phone call was so strange. So short, and I couldn’t (still can’t, really) put the voice with the pictures and the words. I think I just need to hear it more. Or if that’s too difficult when you’re far away, maybe when you get back home, we could just talk for a few hours on the phone. It is wild to have this much connection without the “normal” channels of sight and sound. And I realized today how big a part sound plays. I don’t know you at all in sound.

But none of this matters, really. I am so so so grateful to you for writing as I asked. I feel much much better now, almost totally reassured. One of the worrisome thoughts which went through my mind was the thought that I send you so many emails, and some not far apart at all, and they seem(ed) to me disjointed when I looked back. I worried what you might think of me, writing in one tonality one time, and then a different tonality only a short time later. But when I’m writing you, I feel connected as now. Your voice wasn’t at all the way I imagined it. It was a lovely voice, though, very pleasant. A voice I liked and could get used to hearing often. But it didn’t seem to go with the emails or the pictures. In a way, I was glad you hung up so quickly. To speak with you impersonally- “Hi, how’s your day doing? What are you up to? Me, I don’t know-“ seemed ridiculous. But to speak as we have spoken here seemed wrong. As though you would be speaking to a stranger on the phone and say- “I long for my sweetheart. Do you mind if I talk to you as though you were that sweetheart. Okay- I miss you so much, my darling….” But it was good the ice was broken on that front.

Sweetheart. Your email lifted my heart right out of the doldrums. I want you to know that you can call me any time- day or night.

I also want you to know that I would fly to be with you, even now, though I fear it would make everything that much more confusing and maybe stressful for you. This is not how lovers are supposed to meet (oh, that sounded wonderful to my inner ear- lovers) in the middle of a business trip, with a mother very sick. But you judge it for yourself. I will come to where you are and follow your instructions, if you think that would be helpful, and not another factor to juggle. You should think about this only from the standpoint of what would help you. You are in a very difficult time, a time of crisis. I was a therapist for a decade and I know that weddings and new relationships are very wonderful, and very stressful. So you have three major stress factors operating now- your mother’s illness, your new relationship with me, and the important business deal, and they are all coming at once and at a time when you are not at home, not on your home turf.

I can’t promise you I won’t get worried, but I can promise you that I will struggle hard against it, and that I will let you know if I am feeling worried. You put everything so beautifully and accurately- You fill my heart with your “stacked up” love and happiness, and that is so scary. And how can you/ I be sure this is real until we are together? During the phone call, I realized that when I see you at the airport (my heart soars when it thinks of that), our conversation will probably be very awkward. The more we are able to talk before then, the better. But, again, let me know if you want me to come, tell me where to come, and I’ll come.

I think we will, we have, made a perfect match. And much though we both want this to be real, to be together in the real world, for a while it’s going to feel strange. Reality is not our home country yet- the ethereal world of the internet is where we have met. I am so glad we met, sweetheart. I am sort of addicted to your emails. Every time I get one, I feel great for hours and hours, and then the craving comes in again, and the insecurity starts nibbling like a small mouse with a cracker.

I don’t know what I’m saying any more, which is a good place to stop. If we meet any place but Seattle, we will give ourselves another “non reality” factor to deal with, but how you feel is how you feel. I would be glad to wait with you at the hospital. I worked many years at a hospice. I’m good at hospital waiting. Your mother’s care is largely out of your hands, so focus if you can on your own care. Ask yourself all the time- What would make me feel better? and do that. Here in the ethereal world, our correspondence is real, our love is real, and we will learn

how to negotiate from here to the real real world, the cold and damp earth, as you once described it. I look forward to going to the Azores with you, and I’m not entirely sure where they are. (:-) Please close your eyes for me now- I want to kiss your eyelids.

Loving you, thanking you-

Lyn




26 views1 comment

​FOLLOW LYN

(Click on Social Media Icon)